This is a question I was asked recently and in this post I’ll do my best to answer it. Throughout the post, anytime I mention the wedding, I mean to include the reception as part of it.
Anytime you’re trying to make a God-honoring decision about anything, it begins with asking and answering this question: What does Scripture teach on this? God’s will is revealed through His Word, so the decision making process begins with trying to get a grasp of God’s will related to the topic at hand.
And since we live in the information age, it’s never been easier to discover what Scripture teaches on a topic.
- You can Google your question and read articles
- You can YouTube your question and watch videos
From these kinds of searches you can find experts who have dedicated their lives – or at a minimum, spent considerable amounts of time studying the topic at hand – and you can learn from them.
Now when you do this, what you want to do is make note of the Scripture verses that are mentioned. Sadly, some people make their arguments without them being grounded in Scripture. The apostle Paul calls such people “…empty talkers…” Titus 1:10 ESV What they say sounds good, but in the end, it’s empty of truth. So we have to listen for the relevant Scripture verses and then make note of them.
Then, once you’ve made note of them, go ahead and study them in context.
- You can use a study Bible
- You can use commentaries
- You can even use Google’s Bard or ChatGPT
When I was asked “Can a staff member attend a gay wedding?” this is exactly what I did.
- I asked “What does God’s Word say on this topic?”
- I read articles from a Google search, then watched videos from a YouTube search
- As I read and watched I took note of the relevant Scripture verses
- Then I studied them in context
And today I’m going to walk you through my study. My aim is not to cover everything there is to say on this topic, rather to share some of the most relevant passages to consider (in the order they appear in our Bible) along with reasonable conclusions we can reach from studying them. By reasonable, I mean conclusions that can be reached without stretching the text. Here we go!
Genesis 2:24-25 ESV, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: In the Old Testament God defined marriage as being between a man and woman. From this we learn that a homosexual union is not marriage. Our ungodly culture calls it marriage but this is not marriage as defined by God. So one contemplating attending a gay wedding has to ask: In attending, am I upholding God’s definition of marriage, or helping to redefine it? If in any way, our actions help to redefine marriage (even if that’s not our intention) we’ll find ourselves in rebellion against God.
Leviticus 18:22 NLT, “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.” Leviticus 20:13 ESV, “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: If practicing the homosexual lifestyle is a detestable abomination to God, then so is a ceremony that would permanently fix a couple in that lifestyle. So we have to ask: On what grounds can we claim that God would permit us to celebrate something He says is a detestable abomination?
Psalm 5:4, For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: In this verse, David is asserting that God is a holy and righteous God. He does not take pleasure in sin or evil. Instead, He hates it and punishes those who commit it. This verse is a reminder that God is not indifferent to sin. He cares about what is right and wrong, and He will ultimately judge those who do evil. A wedding is a celebration – a celebration that those in attendance are to delight in. Since we know that God doesn’t delight in wickedness, how can we?
Isaiah 5:20 NIV84, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: “Woe” is a pronouncement of judgment. So when we act as if something that is evil is good we invite God’s judgment. We may not be saying “This gay marriage is good” but actions speak louder than words, and when you attend, that is exactly how the vast majority of people will understand your being there (i.e., as a statement of your approval and support of what’s going on).
Ezekiel 8:18-19 NLT, [God said to Ezekiel] If I warn the wicked, saying, ‘You are under the penalty of death,’ but you fail to deliver the warning, they will die in their sins. And I will hold you responsible for their deaths. If you warn them and they refuse to repent and keep on sinning, they will die in their sins. But you will have saved yourself because you obeyed me.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Our ministry to unrepentant sinners is to warn them of the coming judgment, not to make them feel comfortable as they approach it. We have to ask: Will my attending this wedding help steer the couple away from a sinful path or encourage them to stay on it?
In Matthew 6:2, 6:5 and 6:16 Jesus condemns hypocrisy in its various forms.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: To publicly endorse what we privately condemn is to practice hypocrisy, which sinful.
Matthew 9:10-13 ESV, And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” But when he heard it, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Some read this and conclude that attending a gay wedding is one way that modern day believers can follow in the footsteps of Jesus by spending time with sinners, which begs the question: Is this the case?
When Jesus was with sinners, his purpose was clear: To call sinners to repentance (Matthew 9:13). When Jesus spent time with “sinners” his message to the sinner was “…repent and believe in the gospel.” (Mark 1:15 ESV) We see a great example of this when Jesus spent time with the sexually immoral woman at the well. Jesus loved her, not through his silence about her sin or by showing support for her sin, rather Jesus loved her by confronting her sin (John 4:16-18). So to equate attending a gay wedding with Jesus spending time with sinners is an argument that sounds good from far but turns out to be far from good. You have to ask yourself: If I attend this wedding will I be sharing the gospel and calling sinners to repentance? And if the answer is no, the next question to ask is: Then in what specific way am I acting like Jesus in attending?
I know of a ministry called XXX Church who hands out Bibles at porn conventions. While I know that I personally would never be able to participate in this ministry, I do not judge those who do because at the event, by handing out Bibles, they are sharing the gospel with sinners and calling them to repentance. Is this what you’ll be doing at the wedding? And if not, then again, you have to ask yourself: Then in what specific way am I acting like Jesus by attending?
Matthew 14:3-4 ESV, For Herod had seized John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, because John had been saying to him, “It is not lawful for you to have her.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: On a trip to Rome, Herod Antipas, who was the Roman governor of Galilee, had taken a liking to Herodias, who was the wife of his brother Philip. So while in Rome he seduced her. When he returned to Galilee, Herod divorced his own wife, stole Herodias from his brother, and married her. In this situation, though John desired to reach Herod with the gospel, he didn’t attend his wedding to show support, he publicly confronted Herod and called the wedding sin (an act for which he was promptly thrown into prison and was eventually beheaded). So what we have here is a Scriptural precedent for how to respond to a sinful wedding – and the precedent is to show dissent, not support.
I had a friend growing up who decided to get married very quickly (as a teenager) and her father objected. He told her “Wait one year and then I’ll give my blessing and pay for everything.” But she refused to wait. So at the wedding, when the minister asked if anyone objected to the union, her father stood up and protested. Now on that day – the day of her wedding – my friend probably thought her dad was the worst. But a few years later, after her husband’s drinking problems and the divorce that followed, she no doubt felt very differently about her dad – the one who had tried to warn her of what she was getting herself into.
If, like my friend’s dad (or John the Baptist), you want to show up and protest – show up and dissent, you would definitely have biblical grounds for doing so. But the question begs: Are there biblical grounds for simply attending? And if so, what are they? Where is that precedent set?
Matthew 19:4-5 ESV, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: In the New Testament Jesus upholds God’s definition of marriage as being between a man and woman. Jesus had the opportunity to redefine marriage but didn’t. From Jesus we learn that we’re to uphold God’s definitions and standards, not help to redefine or relax them. So as disciples of Jesus (learners of the words and ways of Jesus) we’ll want to work to uphold God’s definition of marriage, just like Jesus did. So we have to ask ourselves: In what way am I helping to uphold God’s definition of marriage by attending a gay wedding?
Jesus told us plainly that following him would come at a cost. This is why he said to “…count the cost…” (Luke 14:28) before deciding to become one of his disciples.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: It will sometimes cost us dearly to follow Jesus. What cost might we pay for following Jesus?
- We might damage or permanently destroy a family relationship (Matthew 10:34-37 ESV, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”)
- We might become the object of hatred of those in the unbelieving community that disagree with our convictions (John 15:18-19 ESV, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”)
- We might be lied about. Someone might label us a bigot or homophobe. (Matthew 5:11-12 ESV, “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”)
- We might be mocked for what we believe (Matthew 27:28-29 ESV, And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!”)
- We might suffer violence or martyrdom (Matthew 27:30-31 ESV, And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him.)
If we decline an invitation to a gay wedding, it will likely result in varying degrees of persecution. We may be lied about, mischaracterized, called a bigot, etc. But this is only exactly what Jesus told us would happen when we follow him.
Now when faced with such an outcome, it’s only natural for us to want to avoid it. But this is where we need to be very careful. This is the point at which we might be tempted to justify sinful behavior (e.g., attend the wedding/reception) by citing all kinds of Christian sounding arguments (that are not), when in reality what we’re really doing is trying to escape the persecution God promised his followers would experience (2 Timothy 3:12).
John 3:16 ESV, “For God so loved the world…”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Some believers claim that in attending a gay wedding they are following God’s example of showing love to the lost. But is this the case?
We have to understand that God’s definition of love and the world’s definition of love are polar opposite. The world says love is showing support by attending the wedding/reception. But as we learned above, God says love is warning people (Ezekiel 3:18-19) when they’re on the broad road that leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13).
If a loved one is in a house that’s on fire, it is not loving to help them feel comfortable as they’re consumed in the flames. Love would call out “Get out! Get out! You’re going to die! Run!” Hatred would be to say nothing. Hatred would be to not try and deter them from staying in the house. Hatred would be to do something that would help them think it’s a good idea to stay in the house.
So the question becomes: Which kind of love are you going to choose to practice, our culture’s or God’s? Many Christians say “I’m going to be loving” without realizing that they’re loving by culture’s standard, not God’s.
John 7:7 ESV, [Jesus said] “The world…hates me because I testify…that its works are evil.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Receiving an invitation to attend a gay wedding should cause us to honestly evaluate this question: Have I sufficiently testified that homosexual behavior is sinful and needs to be repented of? When Jesus testified to people’s sinfulness, it typically resulted in repentance or hatred. We have to ask: How is it that my approach to evangelism results in a wedding invitation while Jesus’ approach resulted in hatred? This is not an accusation that anyone who receives an invitation to a gay wedding hasn’t sufficiently witnessed, but with that said, receiving an invitation should cause us to pause to ask these difficult, and soul-searching questions.
In Romans 1 Paul shares four reasons for why no one will have any excuse for not knowing God on the day of judgment. One of the four reasons listed is because man has knowingly exchanged morality (the morality God has written on each of our hearts) for perversity. And listed among the perverse things we’ve exchanged morality for is the sin of homosexuality.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Since homosexuality is one of many different sins that will eternally damn a person to hell on judgment day, followers of Jesus should have no part in helping people feel comfortable in practicing it, or in helping people celebrate it, or in helping people become permanently fixed in it.
In Romans 1:32 we see God’s strictest condemnation of both those who practice sinful behaviors and those who “…give approval to those who practice them.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Regardless of your intentions, your very presence communicates approval and support of a lifestyle God declares to be immoral and unnatural (Romans 1:26-27). Even if you’ve communicated your views to the couple, there’s no way to communicate those views to everyone present, so at least some of the people present would understand your being there as an expression of your support and approval of the union. This of course is the last thing we, as Christians, would want to communicate (support and approval of something sinful).
As someone once put it, “We support an alcoholic friend by helping him refrain from drinking, not by going to a bar with him. We support a friend addicted to pornography by making him accountable and getting him help, not by helping organize his magazine collection or creating more hard drive space on his computer. In the same way, we support a homosexual friend by helping him out of the lifestyle, not by supporting and celebrating his wedding. We do not truly help our friends by attending an event where their sin is applauded.”
Romans 14:1-4 ESV, “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”
Here we learn that some issues are not black and white, and that what might be wrong for one believer might not be wrong for another – and we’re not to pass judgment if the issue is truly just a matter of opinion and not a matter of right and wrong. This begs the question: Is attending a gay wedding a matter of opinion? That is, is it a gray area – what the NIV calls a disputable matter?
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Some people conclude that just because Scripture doesn’t specifically mention whether or not it’s ok to attend a gay wedding, that they are free to classify it as a “disputable matter.” But this is to misunderstand the biblical definition of what counts as a disputable matter. A disputable matter is something about which the Bible does not give clear directive, not something the Bible doesn’t specifically mention. If something is not specifically mentioned in the Word of God, then we must draw principles from the teaching of the whole of Scripture, not automatically classify it as a disputable matter. For instance…
Pretend an unsaved friend invited you to his bachelor party, to be held at a strip club. Would you conclude that just because the Bible doesn’t specifically condemn attending a bachelor party at a strip club that this should be classified as a disputable matter? Of course not! Even though the Bible doesn’t speak to it specifically, you still know that it would be wrong because of the weight of Scriptural teaching around that topic.
Did you know that the Bible doesn’t have a single verse that specifically condemns a grown man molesting someone else’s child? Does that mean it’s automatically classified as a disputable matter? Of course not! Even though the Bible doesn’t speak to it specifically, you know that it would be wrong because of the weight of Scriptural teaching around that topic.
So it is for a Christian attending a gay wedding. There’s nothing specific about it in Scripture, yet we still know that it would be wrong because of the weight of Scriptural teaching around that topic.
In 1 Corinthians 5 the apostle Paul is addressing sexual immorality in the church at Corinth that’s being committed by someone who claims to be a disciple of Jesus. Paul instructs the believers: You aren’t to judge unbelievers living in unrepentant sin, but you are to judge fellow believers living in unrepentant sin (vv.9-13).
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Sadly, some Christians have interpreted “don’t judge unbelievers” to mean “help celebrate sin” but this is a faulty interpretation. Paul is 100% correct…We’re not to expect unbelievers to live according to the standard of God’s Word. We’re not to judge their life by the standard of Scripture because they aren’t disciples of Jesus. But this instruction in no way gives us permission to help celebrate their sin. Just as we can’t judge unbelievers, neither can we help celebrate their sin (Romans 1:32, 1 Corinthians 13:6).
1 Corinthians 5:9-10 ESV “I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Here the apostle Paul is clear: We are free to associate with sinners. So can we accept an invitation to lunch or dinner or a birthday party for a gay couple? Or can we ourselves extend the invitation to a gay couple in our neighborhood or family to come over our house for dinner? Absolutely! This provides the context in which we, like Jesus, can share the gospel with sinners. But attending their wedding is something entirely different. In having them over your house, you are not helping to redefine a God-ordained institution, nor are you celebrating their sin. But in attending a gay wedding, you’re doing both (which is part of what makes attending a gay wedding wrong).
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV, Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Anyone practicing the homosexual lifestyle is walking down a path that leads to hell. In attending the ceremony and in toasting and dancing and feasting at the reception are you dissuading the couple from continuing down that path or encouraging them? We would never support or celebrate any of the other sins listed in 1 Corinthians 6, so why would we feel comfortable celebrating the sin of homosexuality? Would you attend a religious service where idols were being worshipped? Would you attend a swingers party where adultery was encouraged? Would you attend a party where thieves got together to celebrate all the items they had stolen? Would you attend a party where everyone was getting drunk? And if you wouldn’t because all these things are condemned in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, then on what basis are you making an exception for a celebration of homosexuality?
Let’s think about it this way…Imagine with me that you had a racist friend that you were trying to win to Christ. And imagine he invited you to klan meeting where he was being honored for advancing white supremacy in your region. Would you go? I suspect not because as a Christian you know from God’s Word that there are just certain things you cannot help support or celebrate. Well, same goes for attending a gay wedding.
1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV, “…because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: In this passage the apostle Paul upholds the definition of marriage that God the Father laid out in Genesis 2 and that God the Son upheld in Matthew 19. Jesus didn’t cave to culture. Paul didn’t cave to culture. They courageously upheld God’s definition of marriage. Are we not called to do the same?
In 1 Corinthians 13:6 ESV Paul says of love that “…it does not rejoice at wrongdoing…” The NIV84 says “Love does not delight in evil…” The NASB says love “..does not rejoice in unrighteousness.” The NKJV says love “…does not rejoice in iniquity.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: Sin is an occasion for sorrow, not for joy. We’re never to rejoice in (i.e., celebrate) sin. Attending a gay wedding creates quite the challenge on this front, such that it would be difficult, if not impossible to attend without your presence communicating celebration and support for what is taking place. Here’s why…
- The typical wedding invitation invites guests to celebrate the upcoming union. By accepting you agree to come celebrate.
- When you arrive you sign the guest book so that the couple can later write you a thank you note for helping them celebrate their special day.
- At a birthday party, giving a gift is a way to help the person celebrate their special day and the same is true of the gift given at a wedding. Will you not bring a gift?
- When the couple kiss after being declared by the minister to be married, everyone claps, which is a celebration of what’s just taken place. Will you not clap?
- When you wait in line to hug the couple and to congratulate them after the ceremony, you are showing your support of what they’ve just done. Will you not hug?
- When pictures are taken that will later be posted online so that people who couldn’t attend can help celebrate from a distance, will you not pose?
- At the reception, when you raise your glass to a toast, you are showing your support for the union. Will you not drink?
- Feasting on whatever is served at the reception is another form of celebrating. Will you not eat?
- Dancing at the reception is also a way of celebrating the marriage. Will you not dance?
- When the couple leaves the reception people throw rice, blow bubbles or release balloons, which are all part of celebrating the union. Will you just stand there while everyone else is doing this?
So here’s the logical flow of thought: 1) Christians are forbidden to celebrate wrongdoing. 2) To attend a gay wedding is to help celebrate wrongdoing. Therefore, 3) attending a gay wedding is forbidden.
Remember: When we celebrate that which is wrong, instead of culture being Christianized, the church becomes paganized. This is backward.
In 2 Corinthians 5:20 ESV Paul says “…we are ambassadors for Christ…”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: An ambassador functions as a representative of a ruling authority. And as Christians, we are representatives of Christ on the earth. So what we’re for is what unbelievers will conclude Jesus is for. What we’re against is what unbelievers will conclude Jesus is against. What we do is what unbelievers will conclude Jesus will do. This raises the question: In attending a gay wedding, am I doing what Jesus would do? If the weight of biblical teaching supports the theory that Jesus would attend a gay wedding, then in attending we’re modeling Jesus to the unbelievers present at the wedding. But if the weight of biblical teaching opposes attending a gay wedding, then in attending we’re misrepresenting Jesus to the unbelievers present at the wedding (which is the opposite of what an ambassador is supposed to do).
Galatians 1:10 ESV, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: You will feel pressure to love by the world’s standards vs God’s but you have to choose who you’re going to please in this life, God or man. The goal for a Christian isn’t to please the couple that’s extended an invite to their wedding, or to please extended family or co-workers or your boss. The goal for a Christian is to please Christ. So the question is: Who will I aim to please?
Hebrews 13:4 ESV, Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
REASONABLE CONCLUSION: We are to honor marriage as defined by God. This implies that we are not to honor marriage as defined by anyone other than God. Yet, by attending a gay wedding, we honor the couple getting married. The wedding invitation only confirms this, whereas it usually reads something along these lines, “We would love for you to honor us with your presence at our upcoming wedding.” As disciples of Jesus, we are exhorted to honor marriage as defined by God, and forbidden to honor marriage that is not.
Ok, now that we’ve covered most of the relevant passages that would speak to the question at hand (Can a New Day staff member attend a gay wedding?), let me now address a number of common objections that may or may not have been covered above.
OBJECTION 1: But me not attending might permanently damage this relationship!
RESPONSE: The clear teaching of Scripture is not invalidated if following it results in damage to a relationship. While we don’t seek to damage a relationship, we must follow God’s Word, and sometimes we will damage relationships in doing so. But this is only exactly what Jesus told us would happen (Matthew 10:34-37) if we follow him.
OBJECTION 2: But Christians are supposed to try and reach the lost with the gospel and that’s what I’m trying to do! My presence could possibly open future doors for evangelism!
RESPONSE: Our approach to evangelism has to be constrained by the boundaries set in Scripture. Attending your unsaved best friend’s bachelor party at a strip club might open future doors for evangelism, but it would be wrong because that approach to evangelism falls outside the boundaries God has set in Scripture. The same goes for attending a gay wedding for evangelistic purposes.
OBJECTION 3: But Christians are supposed to love sinners!
RESPONSE: Yes, but we’re to love them God’s way, not culture’s way. It is not loving to help people feel comfortable as they careen down a path that leads them to hell. This is hatred, not love.
OBJECTION 4: But sometimes Christians attend the wedding of a believer and an unbeliever or the wedding of someone who was sinfully divorced! Why do we make exceptions for some sinful situations but not others?
RESPONSE: Two wrongs don’t make a right. The answer to hypocrisy and inconsistency isn’t more hypocrisy and more inconsistency. If someone is being inconsistent, the answer is to start being consistent, not to make further compromises.
OBJECTION 5: I think my accepting the invitation is courageous, knowing the grief I’ll get from the religious community!
RESPONSE: It is not courageous to go with the flow of culture and dodge the inevitable criticism that declining an invitation would evoke. When we take a stand for Christ our culture tries to bully us into silence, threatens us, censors us, de-platforms us, penalizes us and calls us names. To take a course of action that avoids the persecution that’s supposed to come when we follow Jesus (2 Timothy 3:12) is anything but courageous.
OBJECTION 6: In attending I’m being like Jesus, who wasn’t afraid to offend religious people!
RESPONSE: No you’re not. Jesus was willing to offend with truth, never with compromise.
OBJECTION 7: But I really feel led by the Holy Spirit to do this!
RESPONSE: The Holy Spirit will never lead you to do something that contradicts God’s written Word. It’s possible that you’re confusing the leading of the Spirit with peer pressure. Culture is pressuring you to attend. Your family and friends may be pressuring you to attend. Your co-workers may be pressuring you to attend. The couple that’s invited you may be pressuring you to attend. But this outside pressure should never be confused with the leading of the Holy Spirit. Again, the Holy Spirit will never lead you to do something that contradicts God’s written Word.
OBJECTION 8: But I know a grandmother, who refused to attend her child’s gay wedding, and now she has never even met her grandchild!
RESPONSE: A story with a sad outcome does not invalidate God’s Word. Despite the sad endings that sometimes result from following Jesus, God calls us to follow Jesus still.
OBJECTION 9: Stop judging me concerning a disputable matter! Romans 14 says not to!
RESPONSE: Just because something isn’t mentioned specifically in Scripture, doesn’t mean we can automatically classify it as a disputable matter. Attending a bachelor party at a strip club isn’t specifically mentioned in Scripture, yet we definitively know it’s wrong because of the weight of biblical teaching that surrounds that topic. The same is true for attending a gay wedding.
OBJECTION 10: But I don’t want to offend the couple who invited me!
RESPONSE: In light of the Scriptural teaching that attending would be wrong, you ought to be more concerned about offending God than man (Galatians 1:10).
OBJECTION 12: But I love them!
RESPONSE: We are called to love God first (Matthew 6:33) and those who love God obey him (John 14:15), including his instruction not to celebrate sin (1 Corinthians 13:6).
Ok, now that I’ve covered most of the relevant Scripture verses as well as some of the more popular objections to what Scripture teaches, let me directly answer the question at hand: Can a New Day staff member attend a gay wedding? The answer is no.
In addition to all the passages listed above, there are some unique considerations for pastoral staff.
- In 1 Timothy 3, the apostle Paul lists the requirements for pastors. The very first thing listed is “…an overseer must be above reproach…” (v.2) To be above reproach is to be above criticism. Attending a gay wedding would result in criticism, not only from fellow staff, but also from those you lead. And if the people you lead lose respect for you and feel that you’re disqualified to serve as a spiritual leader for them, you have lost the ability to be effective as a pastor.
- Whether you’re a staff member or a volunteer, you’re in leadership at New Day and leaders are called by God to set the example for the believers (1 Timothy 4:12, 1 Peter 5:3). Since the weight of Scripture on this topic goes against attending, we (the Directional Leadership Team) conclude that attending would be morally wrong, and therefore would set a bad example for those under your leadership.
A final word: Any time I teach on this topic, there are those who look to dismiss what I’ve said on the following grounds:
- You’re supposed to give your defense with “…gentleness and respect…” (1 Peter 3:15 NIV84). You didn’t do that!
- You’re supposed to embody both “…grace and truth.” (John 1:14 ESV). You were all truth, no grace!
As to the first indictment, I have gone through many drafts of this post over the last six weeks. I have wrote and rewrote. I have asked for feedback and rewrote. I have reread and then rewrote again and again. This is my best effort to give a biblical defense with gentleness and respect. Nevertheless, if you still feel I missed the mark, I would ask that you try to distinguish between 1) truth that is shared without gentleness and respect and 2) truth that is shared with gentleness and respect that is nevertheless still offensive (to our secular culture’s sensibilities, which you may be influenced by more than you realize).
As to the second indictment, I think the indictment itself reveals more about the accuser’s faulty understanding of grace than it does my faulty approach to teaching on this topic. Grace is God’s kindness shown to undeserving sinners (in that salvation from the penalty for sin is offered to all). Since Jesus came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10), he was the perfect embodiment of grace. But Jesus being gracious does not, and cannot mean, that he never said anything offensive or counter-cultural. In fact, it was because his message was so offensive and counter-cultural that Jesus said “The world…hates me because I testify…that its works are evil.” John 7:7 ESV Jesus was always friendly towards sinners, meaning, he was always willing to share the gospel with anyone far from God, including despised Samaritans and tax collectors. But just because he was friendly towards sinners doesn’t mean that they all loved Jesus. They didn’t, which is why Jesus told his disciples “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.” John 15:18 ESV All this to say: Just because some of what I said above may be considered offensive and counter-cultural doesn’t mean I missed the mark on embodying grace. It is because I’m trying (with all my heart) to get all the world to accept God’s grace, that I’m heavy on truth. Make no mistake about it: Grace can only be received through the transmission of truth (Romans 10:14). Therefore, the Christian who is full of truth, is also full of grace.