Setting the Example: Love

The apostle Paul instructed a young pastor named Timothy “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12 ESV 

This is the same instruction the apostle Peter gave. Addressing pastors he wrote “As a fellow elder, I appeal to you: Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.” 1 Peter 5:1-3 NLT

The word example here (τύπος) means “pattern,” or “model,” which is what a pastor ought to be to the flock. While none of us will be a perfect example, the people who attend our church (generally speaking) ought to be able to look at our lives and see what a godly life looks like. And according to Paul, we’re to set the example in at least five areas: speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. And in this post we’re focusing in on setting an example in love (ἀγάπῃ). 

Love is the supreme characteristic that our lives as Christians ought to marked by. As the apostle Peter put it “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly…” 1 Peter 4:8 ESV And as Paul put it “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT 

Love is to be the supreme characteristic in us because love is the supreme characteristic in God. We read in 1 John 4:8 that “God is love” and learn from Ephesians 5 that we are therefore called to “…be imitators of God…” (v.1) and likewise “…walk in love…” (v.2).  

And we know how to do this because of Jesus’ example. When Jesus came to earth he was the perfect embodiment of love in that he willingly laid his life down for us (John 15:13). And he now calls us to love like him. In Jesus’ own words “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35 ESV

But the question begs: How can we, mere mortals, love as Jesus did? Well, fortunately for us, the Holy Spirit helps us! As the apostle Paul put it, “God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5 ESV So God’s job is to pour His love in our hearts and our job is to express that love through our actions. And no one tells us more clearly how to do this than the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. 

In verses 1-3 Paul aims to show that we are nothing without love. 

• The most skilled orator wouldn’t impress God if his life was devoid of love (v.1). 
• The most powerful preacher wouldn’t impress God if his life was devoid of love (v.2a). 
• The wisest person, who could fathom all the observable, knowable facts of the created universe, as well as all unrevealed divine mysteries would not impress God if his life was devoid of love (v.2b). 
• The most faith-filled person, who consistently trusts God to do mighty things – making the impossible possible – would not impress God if his life was devoid of love (v.2c). 
• The most generous person in the world – who gave all he had to the poor – would not impress God if his actions weren’t motivated by love (v.3a). 
• Even if someone was willing to suffer martyrdom for Christ, God would not be impressed if he had not love.

Now that Paul has established that we are nothing without love (vv.1-3), he gives the most comprehensive biblical description of love in all the Bible (vv.4-7). His focus isn’t on what love is (though he touches on that), rather on what love does and does not do. He lists fifteen things. 

1. Love is patient (v.4a). This doesn’t refer to having patience in circumstances (e.g., patiently waiting until you retire), rather having patience with people. It’s not honking at the person in front of you that hasn’t moved the split second the traffic light has turned green. It’s not interrupting your spouse or kids when they’re taking a long time to explain something. 
2. Love is kind (v.4b). This doesn’t refer to having kind feelings, rather doing kind, helpful things for others. 
3. Love does not envy (v.4c). When others are successful, love is glad for them, never jealous or envious. 
4. Love does not boast (v.4d). This means to talk conceitedly – to brag about and parade your accomplishments in front of others, which love does not do. As Solomon said, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” Proverbs 27:2 ESV Love praises others, not self.
5. Love is not arrogant (v.4e). The Greek word translated “arrogant” is phusioumen, which means “to be puffed up.” It is a metaphor for someone who is so full of themselves that they have become inflated, like a balloon. It is used to describe people who have an inflated sense of their own importance or abilities, and who look down on others. But love does not do this.
6. Love is not rude (v.5a). Rude behavior refers to any action or word that is hurtful, disrespectful, or inconsiderate of others. Love is polite, courteous, respectful and considerate, not rude. 
7. Love doesn’t insist on its own way (v.5b). That is, love is not selfish. Paul writes, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4 ESV Love doesn’t ask “What do I want to do?” Love asks “What do you want to do?” While this doesn’t mean you can never do what you want, it does mean that as a rule, you prioritize what others want over what you want. Love puts others first. 
8. Love is not irritable (v.5c). The Greek word paroxunō, here translated provoked, means to arouse to anger. It is a word that is used to describe someone who is easily angered or annoyed. Love guards against being irritated, upset, or angered by things said or done against it.
9. Love keeps no record of wrongs (v.5d). The Greek word logizomai means “to reckon,” “to count,” or “to keep an account of.” In the context of this verse, it means to hold on to grudges or to keep track of the wrongs that others have done to us. But love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. It forgives and moves on, never bringing the matter up again, just as God forgives us and chooses never to bring the matter up again. 
10. Love doesn’t rejoice at wrongdoing (v.6a). When we see someone walking in sin, instead of with the Lord, it ought to grieve us greatly. We cannot celebrate with someone who is on the path to hell for sin is an occasion for sorrow, not for joy. If someone is walking in sin, we cannot go on our merry way and claim to be acting in love. Love does what it can to influence people towards repentance. 
11. Love rejoices with the truth (v.6b). A person who is loving wants everyone who isn’t saved to be saved, and rejoices with the truth, because the truth is the means by which a person far from God can escape the penalty for sin, which is death. 
12. Love bears all things (v.7a). This basically speaks to choosing to overlook minor annoyances and wrongs vs making a big deal out of every issue. This is about making allowance for each other’s faults (Colossians 3:13 NLT), and remembering that we are all in the process of being conformed into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). Both Matthew 18:15-20 and 1 Corinthians 5 let us know that there are times to confront serious sins or grave injustices. But here we learn that it’s ok (and loving) to let the little stuff go. 
13. Love believes all things (v.7b). This is about choosing to believe the best about someone vs the worst. Unless there’s good reason not to, we’re to give the benefit of the doubt and assume the best, not the worst. This is what love does. 
14. Love hopes all things (v.7c). You might have a backslidden child, an unbelieving spouse, a family member who refuses to show interest in God, or a friend who has walked away from God. Love stays hopeful about God intervening in their lives and turning things around. Love keeps praying for them and hoping for the day when things will be different. 
15. Love endures all things (v.7d). The Greek word hupomenei carries the idea of “remaining” or “enduring.” So this speaks to a persistence to love, even in the tough times. In wedding vows, a husband and wife take each other “for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” There are tough times in marriage, but godly love endures through them. Likewise, there are tough times in all relationships, but godly love endures through them as well. It just keeps on being kind and patient, putting others first and believing for the best. 

Now that Paul has established that we are nothing without love (vv.1-3) and listed various actions that love does and does not do (vv.4-7), he tells us about the permanence of love (vv.8-13). 

Paul tells us that spiritual gifts will pass away. He says prophecies will pass away (v.8b), tongues will pass away (v.8c), and knowledge will pass away (v.8d). But he says of love, “Love never ends” (v8a). And this is why the litmus test for genuine conversion is love. As the apostle John put it…

• “By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.” 1 John 3:10 ESV 
• “We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” 1 John 3:14-15 ESV
• “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8 ESV

So this is how every disciple of Jesus is called to love. And church leaders in particular are called to set a good example for the church by leading the way in loving like Jesus. This can be quite the challenge because candidly, people can test our patience at times. In light of this reality, I’ll end this post with this prayer…

“…May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all…” 1 Thessalonians 3:12 ESV 

DISCUSSION QUESTION: Of the 15 things mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, where are you strongest and where are you weakest? What is one concrete thing you will do shore up your weakness?